I Sing The Body Electric

PART 1

It is a rare thing for me to experience insomnia - to have something entrain itself into my mind so powerfully that I cannot sleep.  But last night, I definitely awoke singing the body electric.  And it was kinda enjoyable for a bit.  Imagine THIS on replay in the darkness of night!

I sing the body electric

I celebrate the me yet to come

I toast to my own reunion

When I become one with the sun

And I'll look back on Venus

I'll look back on Mars

And I'll burn with the fire

of ten million stars

And in time 

And in time

We will all be stars

And that's just the first verse.  Luckily my mind hadn't recalled the rest of the song.  So I decided I needed to blog about it.

Like ta hear it?  

Here it goes...

Oh!  First I need to get you in the proper mood (cue You Tube):

http://youtu.be/tG-wl2qqD7Y

I had a friend call me "the hippiest Mormon" he ever knew.  And I don't even wear hemp jewelry.  My wardrobe is pretty blasé, except for maybe the rainbow-colored chevron maxi dress I don on occasions (yes. EVEN to church.). But perhaps he was more making reference to my love of astrological metaphor ("As above, so below") and philosophical speculation in regards to the time, place and day/year one is born?  Yes, I think so.  And now that I watch that video again and think on the lyrics, I realize that my connection to planets MUST HAVE begun when Mrs. Sauerland handed us our very own copy of the choral arrangement of this song in choir class my senior year.

Mrs. Sauerland.  The ever optimistic music lover who, despite sporting a very manicured and boring grey short helmet do and polyester shirt dress with nude hose, could've, now that I think about it, could've even been HERSELF a hippie- at one time.  

I'm pretty sure we all thought she was nuts as we perused the purple title cover and unnerving lyrical suggestions inside.  Pubescent teens talking about a "body electric"?  Oh and we're singing this for senior graduation in front of the whole student body???  My choir class was not quite the artsy, fartsy crew you see in this totally awesome FAME circa 1980 video from the hit movie.  This was 8 years later and many of us were just getting up the courage to let boys and girls know we "liked" them.  Choir class was our "safe zone".  Though we did try our hand at neon pinks, blues and yellows in clothing, singing with wild, confident abandon about our "bodies electric" was another thing entirely.  

"Um, Mrs. Sauerland?  What happened to that 'My Fair Lady' medley we all knew and loved?" 

Yeah there were a few nervous giggles as we went through "I Sing the Body Electric" for the first time.  But the cool thing was that by the time graduation rolled around most of us were on board with our bodies being electric.  It was a special thing to witness the evolution, charged by a song of confidence and hope, (and hey, a full drum set!), of a choir of self-conscious kids as they blossomed on an outdoor stage.  

Senior year was for me a year of near wonders.  I was driven to overcome some of my fears that kept me more isolated and shy and try new things.  I had talents and felt an urge to reach out to more of my peers, showing them who I was and hoping to get to know and care about more of those around me.  

The phrase "body electric" is the mind child of Walt Whitman in his poem from Leaves of Grass  and inspired Michael Gore who used it for the final song in the movie Fame as a way of celebrating and showcasing the students' talents.  Whitman added this phrase to a later 1867 edition of the poem.  I marvel that one could conjure up such a phrase in the 1800s.  How I love poetic originality!

Whitman's use of the term "body electric"  is both plural and singular.  Looking at his first stanza you can see that he is directly referring to a body of loved ones. 

I sing the body electric,

The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them,

They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them,

And discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of the soul.

For the rest of the poem he explores other marvels of the body, both male and female, and concludes, that yes, it is not needful or wise to separate the body from the soul.  The body is soul.

O I say these are not the parts and poems of the body only, but of the soul,

O I say now these are the soul!

I sing the body electric.

Do you?

(Comment below.  Make me blush.)

PART 2 (coming soon): How the body electric is connected to Mars, Venus and stars according to moi.

PART 2: "I Sing the Body Electric": we are all stars

(written December 4, 2013, 9pmish)

I have learned that I must REALLY be literally inspired in order to actually blog.  So what literally inspires me?

The moon and Venus together in a cloudless twilight blue sky.

 Look up.

 En route to picking up my daughter from  what will be a routine Tuesday 5:30pm ritual...I...looked...up.  Did you guys see it?  I feel like I need to publish this immediately just so you can go outside and experience the electric body of the Universe.  Your Universe.

Made by God.  For you.

Venus, aka the Evening Star because it is the first and brightest star to appear at night (when visible in your hemisphere/season), and the moon were the only lights up there and in the same section of sky.  In my neck of the North American world they appear in the western sky.

DISCLAIMER:  I did not do as well as I would have liked in a high school astronomy class (sorry to disappoint you Mr. Ransavage) and I am also not a very detail-oriented hobby astrologist.  I consider myself an intuitive student of the astrological arts (with only a meager minor in it's scientific aspects).  So don't go throwing Ophyiucus at me (see I spelled it wrong didn't I?).  I don't give a rat's hinney about it.  It seems to have no  psychological bearing on my Sagittarius & Capricorn friends.  Most will say "oh I bet THAT's my sign!" because they don't realize that we are all much more than our 1 sun sign.  There are 10 major heavenly bodies and many other minor ones (asteroids) whose positions astrologers calculate at the exact time, place and latitude/longitude of your birth.

Sorry that was the world's longest disclaimer.  It resembles some of my more wordy voice messages:).  I am going to end this now with a simple link that may jog your curiosity of our connection to stars and other heavenly bodies electric.  I definitely felt something when I looked up at those bodies in that twilight sky.

http://m.livescience.com/32828-humans-really-made-stars.html

Motherhood: The Unexpected Journey

Guess what I did for Mother's Day?!
Yeah you're right!
I watched The Hobbit.
"The Hobbit? Not a typical Mother's Day selection," says a Facebook friend who is also an expert on Mother's Day viewing options.

Well apparently she was thinking of something more along the lines of The Gilmore Girls Series 1-3 or maybe even my personal favorite "Little Women" (with Winona Ryder and Christian Bale, sigh, a true classic for a mother of 4 girls).

But, no, I assure you, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey was EXACTLY what I needed even though I didn't know I needed it because I was merely watching it before it needed to be returned to Redbox.  I had rented it to entertain the girls while Tim and I went out to see Iron Man 3 at the theater Friday night.  They were not too thrilled with my selection but there was reallly nothing else decent.  No way in H-E-double hockey sticks I was going to get Kung Fu Rabbit again.  Been there.  Lost brain cells.

The Hobbit is the perfect allegory for my journey into motherhood!  I sat captivated by the bucolic Bilbo Baggins, who sat quite content in the cozy hole of his gorgeously handcrafted home in the hillside of The Shire, ready to enjoy his evening meal, when a knock is heard at the door. 
                              

                                                            (by Aroha-Photography)

The minute Gandolph says to Bilbo of his proposed adventure, "It'll be very good for you.  And most amusing to me,"  I KNEW I was indeed watching the MOST appropriate film in the world for me to see for the first time on Mother's Day.  Ok I get it.  Gandolph is God and I'm Bilbo Baggins, only equipped to bear children.  Hahaha - very funny.  The look on Bilbo's face as the wizard mentions the word 'adventure' was what I imagine my face looked like when the ultrasound technician glided over what was obviously, not 1, but 2 bodies in my 18-week womb.  Even Tim had the Gandolph smug mug when I turned towards him for confirmation of what was being seen.  What on Middle-Earth was going on in there?!!  And all while I was way too sick to nourish one child let alone 2.  I was barely convex at the time.  Was I really expected to "show up" for this assignment?  Seriously TWO children at once?  As my induction into motherhood?  As I woke up the next morning, much like Bilbo after being shown THE CONTRACT and witnessing Dwarf mayhem in his home, surely I thought it was all a dream?

And then, like Bilbo, I did get a little excited at the prospect.  Fancy me, being a mom and a mom of twins at that?  A surge of creative power and potential waved over me very similar to when I saw that magic stick turn double blue on the 7th floor of the Crandall Building's restroom in downtown Salt Lake City where I worked.

"I'm going on an adventure!"

Awe, reverence and excitement all rolled into one.  Or make that two :).  And then the voice in the background,

"My dear fellow (let's make that 'daughter') - I never doubted you for a minute."

May I interject here to remind the reader that, even though these words and feelings were really experienced and believed to have come from a higher power, I would have many moments of mortal doubt.  And the hormones.  Oh THE HORMONES!  They were relentless, especially in the beginning.

So here comes Bilbo Baggins all brave and ready for adventure when they slap him on a pony and he begins to sneeze.  (hee hee snicker) I love this scene too. Like me, freaking out over my hormones and whether I can really do this, Bilbo gets uncomfortable.  He says to himself, "I'm having a reaction."

"Wait! STOP.  We have to turn around."  He is without a handkerchief.  Oh my dears.  I was without my mind.  And here is the reaction from Gandolph to Bilbo's anxiety:

"You'll have to manage without pocket handkerchiefs (read 'mind') and a good many other things, Bilbo Baggins, before our journey ends....You were born to the rolling hills and the little rivers of the Shire, but home is now behind you.  The world is ahead."

Goosebumps!  Yeah Gandolph is pretty awesome.  As are most great lines spoken with a British accent. 

If the first 30 minutes of the film were a pretty epic metaphor to my impending motherhood, then the last 2 hours were allegorically my life as a mother complete with sleep deprivation (I will liken that to climbing the mountain where they realized it was moving and at war with another mountain complete with boulders flying and the earth literally moving under their feet) and messy opponents (toddlers or trolls? You be the judge.)  Does this sound very doom-ish and negative?  I guess it does if you're afraid of a little character building.  I had already survived a great many things before embarking on motherhood.  Quiet moments in the Shire have never been long-lived for me.  What has been different is the cumulative effect of life experience versus the fitness of my body and brain.  I will always need magic. I will always look for relief and assistance from my divine parentage, from my Savior Jesus Christ, from friends and family, from strangers even, and from the developing resources of faith and talent from within myself. And that will be enough to get us back home.

IMPACT

That moment you actually may have seen coming but can never truly brace yourself for.  BAM. (I could insert one of those horrid video clips of teens laughing and having a gay ole time packed  in a car until they are suddenly collided into head-on and everything goes black.  But I won't.)

 A few weeks ago I thought it would be a great idea to ride my bike the uphill/downhill route to our local library - about 8 miles round trip. The weather had taken a turn for the better, it seemed, as the sun was shining.  (NOTE TO SELF & all other Utah residents: equating sunshine to great biking weather is akin to saying "All is well in Zion!"  You are asking for divine correction.)  Always game for killing 2 birds with 1 stone (really, I love birds), I gloated at the thought of returning my daughter's library book that had a hold on it AND being so fortunate as to get a load of exercise in at the same time.  HEAVEN.

It was soon apparent to me that with the beautifully benign sunshine came some good old-fashioned Utah wind.

 "Put your hands in the air like ya just don't care!"

But I did. Care. It being a northerly wind gust it was obvious that my southern trip to the city center was going to be A DELIGHT.  No, I'm not afraid of a little resistance.  That's more bang for my buck- but I had done this before and it. was.  a.  drag.  Anyways, the ride there took a bit longer than I thought but it wasn't that bad.  Just made me look all that much more forward to the easy breezy ride home.  I had all sorts of Irish blessings coming to life for me, the most obvious and real to me at that moment was "may the wind be ever at your back."  And so on the ride home I was feeling very fortunate that the wind was indeed at my back.  Only the interesting thing is, is that when the wind is behind you you don't really realize what a boon it is to your progress. Until you stop to marvel at what obviously great shape you're in because the hill feels like nuthin' and stopping is harder than pedaling.  "Oh gee thanks little 45 mph wind gust.  Guess I can't rest on my cardiovascular laurels yet - sigh..."  It's crazy how you really may NOT notice a good thing when you have it.

So when I crested the top of the pass that claims you're at 4,567 feet (or some-such , I knew the best was yet to come as the rest of my journey home was downhill.  I rode on the road to avoid some horrendous potholes I knew were on the bike path and then as I was turning back onto the path I could feel I was going much much faster than I realized. I put on my brakes to slow down while simultaneously thinking " I should've worn my helmet," and then BAM.  One second I was on my seat and the next I was on the ground: sudden impact.  And yes I'd hit my head on the ground.  All I could do was just be there in that moment of impact and try to figure out what had just happened.  Time seemed to stand still.  I think I was in shock - I simply couldn't make sense of it.  My head, my right hand, my left knee and my braced shoulders had taken the impact, absorbed the shock of going from however fast I was going to ZERO.  That experience of going from carefree cruiser to heavy laden shock absorb-er is emblazoned in my memory.  I'll never ride the same way again.  I will now anticipate the skill and preparation time it takes to be aware of wind conditions, speed and subtle braking techniques.  I will not sacrifice my head for the convenience and freedom of letting the wind blow my hair and listening unencumbered to my tunes.

When I told my husband the title of this post he knew exactly what I was going to write about but also added a truth from a Book of Mormon prophet: "Wickedness never was happiness." (Alma 41:10).  What?  I wasn't being wicked and that's why I crashed.  Careless and stupid for not wearing a helmet, yes, but not rebelliously wicked.  I don't think very many people are really that wicked.  Just careless and ...inexperienced.  God cannot alter natural laws of cause and effect and we are here in mortality to learn and experience some of those laws.  And spiritual laws, if you can actually separate them from natural laws, are no different.  Neither we nor nature can alter the outcome of transgressing spiritual laws.  We can be ignorant and careless with them, even avoiding the effects for a season, but there WILL be moments of sudden IMPACT when it will be very obvious that all is not well.   I know we can trust God, our Creator.  He leads and guides our lives with wisdom, patience and loving kindness because He's been there.  He's also provided a way to heal and redirect us when we get hurt.  He gives us guidelines and boundaries (commandments and words of wisdom) to keep us and our families safe as we journey along this mortal road.  And He provided a Savior, capable of absorbing the impact of sin on billions of souls, to atone for the mistakes that we sometimes feel, and often do not, until many others are affected - or impacted.

Forrest Gump

Have you ever thought how cleansing it would be to just go for a walk?  And then...just...keep...walking?

I have moments of such desire constantly.

Minus the beard.

So for my second post I thought I'd ramble on about how spacey I am. lol.  And how it makes me laugh that I am so spacey.  And how my mother claims she has ADD and we kids laugh at that too.  And how I'm thinking just starting this blog will make me more focused! (readers -can you hear the maniacal laughter???)  Really, I don't usually mock myself so heartily because I also can get depressed and irritable when I reflect on these things.  In fact, I am in such a precarious mental state right now that I probably should be writing about "safer" subjects.   But, ok, I think going on a long walk is pretty safe, don't you?  Henry David Thoreau believed walking in nature was like a trek to the Holy Land: So we saunter toward the Holy Land, til one day the sun shall shine more brightly than ever he has done, shall perchance shine into our minds and hearts, and light up our whole lives with a great awakening light, as warm and serene and golden as on a bankside in autumn. (from Walking)  This is what I believe is my purpose for writing and for walking - and why I chose Into The White as my blog's name (besides being a very cool Pixie's song and referencing my married name).

There are many who don't seem to require these kinds of pilgrimages, long or short, in order to maintain their personal peace and intergrity, but I believe it is essential to preserving one's spiritual peace and integrity.  I know it is so for me.  In his talk "Of Things That Matter Most," Dieter F. Uchtdorf quotes Ghandi when pondering the solution to the stresses of modern life: 

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

There are seasons for speed and work and seasons for rest and reflection and I'm thankful they are all part of the plan.  Even if I'm not always in charge of their timing.

Sowing the Seeds of (Self) Love

Whenever I want to be sure my motives are pure I bring it all down and back to LOVE.  It's kind of part of having a LOT of planets in the sign of Libra when I was born to this earthly plane.  (If you have somehow reached this post through no cajoling on my part, then this is where I disclose that you will find occasional astrological references in posts where most "normal" people would not expect. I may elaborate on that in a another post...)  It's also just part of being human.  A human who loves love.  Not that animals and other lifeforms don't exude or receive love.  Have you ever heard of the rice experiment? (my first in-post link!)  It's absolutely fascinating.  Even rice seems to respond to love (and hate.) Someday soon I will have my family do this. But for my first post I thought I'd just sow some seeds of love and see what comes back to me.
Here a video example.  And yes, I grew up in the 80s AND saw these guys in concert. (my first video link!  This just keeps getting better and better folks!)

And here's a true confession:  while I love MANY things, I have a hard time loving myself fully and unconditionally.  And I don't like admitting that (part of my Venus in Virgo I imagine).  I'm getting better at it, but because the purpose of my blogging is to bring clarity and infuse light into my life,  I'm getting really real and putting some of my insecurities out there.  Don't worry - I have plenty of braggadocio to go along with the humility :).  To give you a better idea about who I am I will divulge some of what I love in general and some of what I love about myself.  Hopefully it will inspire you to make your own list and give yourself a hug.   So here goes:

1. I LOVE being a Mormon (short term for a baptized member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I really do and it's about time I admitted it free and clear (you see it's not quite as cool to be a Mormon AND live in Utah.  It was much more interesting when I lived in NJ. Thanks Dad, for letting the missionaries set an appointment with you and mom to come back even when you were busy that New Years' day AND had a stockpile of holiday liquor on your front step.  It's been the gift that just keeps on giving.
2. I LOVE astrology.  It has been one of the few things that I've never gotten tired of learning more about.  Since I have my natal moon in Gemini and all...
3. I LOVE music.  And lots of different kinds at that.  Mostly I appreciate good rhythm, a fantastic bass line and interesting (not merely sappy) lyrics which reflect a variety of subjects and explorations (I can't listen to a country station for very long -sorry).
4. I LOVE the challenge and growth opportunity that has been MOTHERHOOD.
5. I LOVE finding natural ways to live clean and healthy.
6. I LOVE that I have never given up when things have been hard or uncomfortable for me.
7. I LOVE that I really try to give others the benefit of the doubt.  My 4th grade teacher, Mr. Russell, taught me that and it's one of the fews things that has stayed with me through the years.
8. I LOVE that I am deeply affected by music.  It helps me feel when sometimes I block myself from my feelings.  
9. I LOVE that I'm kind of sexy and I know it. (ah and I'm funny too)
10. I LOVE that I'm good at chilling out.

Are you feeling the love???