Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Motherhood: The Unexpected Journey

Guess what I did for Mother's Day?!
Yeah you're right!
I watched The Hobbit.
"The Hobbit? Not a typical Mother's Day selection," says a Facebook friend who is also an expert on Mother's Day viewing options.

Well apparently she was thinking of something more along the lines of The Gilmore Girls Series 1-3 or maybe even my personal favorite "Little Women" (with Winona Ryder and Christian Bale, sigh, a true classic for a mother of 4 girls).

But, no, I assure you, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey was EXACTLY what I needed even though I didn't know I needed it because I was merely watching it before it needed to be returned to Redbox.  I had rented it to entertain the girls while Tim and I went out to see Iron Man 3 at the theater Friday night.  They were not too thrilled with my selection but there was reallly nothing else decent.  No way in H-E-double hockey sticks I was going to get Kung Fu Rabbit again.  Been there.  Lost brain cells.

The Hobbit is the perfect allegory for my journey into motherhood!  I sat captivated by the bucolic Bilbo Baggins, who sat quite content in the cozy hole of his gorgeously handcrafted home in the hillside of The Shire, ready to enjoy his evening meal, when a knock is heard at the door. 
                              
                                                            (by Aroha-Photography)

The minute Gandolph says to Bilbo of his proposed adventure, "It'll be very good for you.  And most amusing to me,"  I KNEW I was indeed watching the MOST appropriate film in the world for me to see for the first time on Mother's Day.  Ok I get it.  Gandolph is God and I'm Bilbo Baggins, only equipped to bear children.  Hahaha - very funny.  The look on Bilbo's face as the wizard mentions the word 'adventure' was what I imagine my face looked like when the ultrasound technician glided over what was obviously, not 1, but 2 bodies in my 18-week womb.  Even Tim had the Gandolph smug mug when I turned towards him for confirmation of what was being seen.  What on Middle-Earth was going on in there?!!  And all while I was way too sick to nourish one child let alone 2.  I was barely convex at the time.  Was I really expected to "show up" for this assignment?  Seriously TWO children at once?  As my induction into motherhood?  As I woke up the next morning, much like Bilbo after being shown THE CONTRACT and witnessing Dwarf mayhem in his home, surely I thought it was all a dream?

And then, like Bilbo, I did get a little excited at the prospect.  Fancy me, being a mom and a mom of twins at that?  A surge of creative power and potential waved over me very similar to when I saw that magic stick turn double blue on the 7th floor of the Crandall Building's restroom in downtown Salt Lake City where I worked.

"I'm going on an adventure!"

Awe, reverence and excitement all rolled into one.  Or make that two :).  And then the voice in the background,

"My dear fellow (let's make that 'daughter') - I never doubted you for a minute."

May I interject here to remind the reader that, even though these words and feelings were really experienced and believed to have come from a higher power, I would have many moments of mortal doubt.  And the hormones.  Oh THE HORMONES!  They were relentless, especially in the beginning.

So here comes Bilbo Baggins all brave and ready for adventure when they slap him on a pony and he begins to sneeze.  (hee hee snicker) I love this scene too. Like me, freaking out over my hormones and whether I can really do this, Bilbo gets uncomfortable.  He says to himself, "I'm having a reaction."

"Wait! STOP.  We have to turn around."  He is without a handkerchief.  Oh my dears.  I was without my mind.  And here is the reaction from Gandolph to Bilbo's anxiety:

"You'll have to manage without pocket handkerchiefs (read 'mind') and a good many other things, Bilbo Baggins, before our journey ends....You were born to the rolling hills and the little rivers of the Shire, but home is now behind you.  The world is ahead."

Goosebumps!  Yeah Gandolph is pretty awesome.  As are most great lines spoken with a British accent. 

If the first 30 minutes of the film were a pretty epic metaphor to my impending motherhood, then the last 2 hours were allegorically my life as a mother complete with sleep deprivation (I will liken that to climbing the mountain where they realized it was moving and at war with another mountain complete with boulders flying and the earth literally moving under their feet) and messy opponents (toddlers or trolls? You be the judge.)  Does this sound very doom-ish and negative?  I guess it does if you're afraid of a little character building.  I had already survived a great many things before embarking on motherhood.  Quiet moments in the Shire have never been long-lived for me.  What has been different is the cumulative effect of life experience versus the fitness of my body and brain.  I will always need magic. I will always look for relief and assistance from my divine parentage, from my Savior Jesus Christ, from friends and family, from strangers even, and from the developing resources of faith and talent from within myself. And that will be enough to get us back home.